Why Won't Western Women Date Chinese Men?

Well…I can only speak to crushes, I and such, since I am married.. I took a Chinese film and animation grad course and it did open my eyes to movies beyond what the theaters show. That expanded the number of Asian male actors I have seen. However…there are quite a few Asian actors I find entrancing. I must say, for all I have a crush on Tom Hiddleston, I have long thought Takeshi Kaneshiro the most beautiful and attractive man I have seen on screen.

And anyone who voted against Jet Li kissing someone?

I would have been a little swoony. I had a little chat with the photographer. She has a Chinese boyfriend which inspires her to do photo shoots with amxf couples, though this couple is not a couple in real life. I volunteered to help any future shoots and she does not have single friends but those who pursuing model careers.

It probably depends on where you are at.

Locally it may be different and you may have a lot of friendly folks willing to experience another culture or something, but it may not be the same for the whole community. Personally speaking, a lot of Asians in America, especially newly arrived transplants, have a severe attitude problem which just does not do us great in social circles.

I admit, I am like that too on a lot of occasions. I easily get offended over the smallest things and I am not hesitant to use physical force to show my displeasure. Not something that most girls like in a man. And I am an American born, fully Americanized Chinese who grew up in the streets of Brooklyn where greasers, guidos and wiseguys hang out and a street-savvy brat like myself is usually cultured in the arts of the fists, baseball bat and switchblade. Most likely all that rubbed off on me and has become a permanent stain on my character.

But I have met a majority of newly transplanted Asians, most of them restaurant owners or freight brokers, who are just as explosively tempered, obnoxious in speech and mannerisms, and prone to extremely ugly behaviors and vices like drinking and degenerate gambling as locally raised greasers like me.

Just the other day I was driving a carting truck that picked up recyclable industrial scrap from local businesses to haul to a processing yard when I stopped at a Chinese restaurant because my boss wanted to exchange 4 brand new propane bulk tanks with pounds of HVAC tubing with the owner of the eatery. My supervisor later found out what happened, thanks to two full versions of the account from both me and the boss of that eatery and said I should have taken it more easy with him.

No wonder a lot of us here in Brooklyn become gamblers and alcoholics. From time to time I encounter amwf couples here and I often am told by women that they consider my Mongolian husband as extremely attractive as I do, too ;. Yet I remember a certain type of Chinese students at university who seemed to never spend a single thought on the opposite sex. There is not a feasible way to measure or test if the bias is real in North America.

Why Expat Women Don't Date Chinese Men | Expat Essentials

And here I am talking about just matching, for people to start a conversation to get to know each other. I wish I could live in Europe for a while so I could understand the culture there, and experience if the situation would be different. I certainly can confirm that when I was in college the opposite sex was the last thing on my mind, purely because of financial and time economics. With a very limited budget and relying on scholarship and part time jobs to squeak by there was just no money left over for the luxury of socialization.

Secondarily, with a full load of engineering curriculum there absolutely was no time left to entertain any relationship. Luckily, after graduation, with a decently paid and socially acceptable profession there was plenty of time and financial resources to make up for lost time. In fact I personally found western Canadian females to be much more friendly to me, an Asian male. I even wound up marrying one of them. What is all the fuss about Chinese men perceived as the least desirable dating partner. We Chinese men are happy and confident with and about ourselves.

Economically, the Chinese are doing very well. The overseas Chinese or diaspora are doing very well. In the economic front, we are the top echelon. Here in Malaysia, as well in Indonesia and even in the west. We love our Chinese women and have no desire to pair with white women. What is it about muscles and a macho image? These are fleeting things. Once you are married and middle-aged, you become flabby with mammaries and 8 months pregnant bellies hahaha…We Chinese men generally stay slim throughout our lives and we age well.

The west can portray Chinese men as nerdy and undesirable all they want. We are not bothered. We have the last laugh hahaha…. I get your point about not caring about what other people think.

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The, problem, though, is that the emasculating stereotypes have serious and negative practical consequences for the lives of Asian men. Would that then bother you, because many Chinese and other Asian women in the West do in fact buy into the stereotypes and reject their own men. Why should Asian men tolerate such a humiliating treatment? Hahaha Chinese women reject Chinese men? You westerners think too highly of yourselves. And if truly Chinese women are all mad about the angmoh as partners, they are welcome to their choice. We have other ethnic women too to choose as partners.

Jesterleigh, any why should we bother? Why should Asian men tolerate? The western media et al can continue their game. We know who we are. You are as weak as you want to. And as strong as you want to. I hear ya, Om Ni. You are absolutely right! We are judged as to our individual merit, not as part of some weird ideological assumption…. However, that does not mean I would go out of my way to avoid that type of interracial relationship. This is exactly what happened to Vicky and Shen Da five years ago.

They met in college in New York, where Shen "stood out" because there were literally no Asians in the Texas town she grew up in. Even though Shen had already spent four years in San Francisco, all his friends in the US were Chinese, so his English still wasn't at a level to be able to adequately express his feelings for Vicky. Thus, Vicky was compelled to make the first move. The couple are now living together in Shanghai, Shen working for his family business and Vicky studying Chinese.

I never expected to marry a Chinese man

Apart from language barriers and cultural differences, the troubles they face as a couple are pretty similar to any cohabiting man and woman in the world: Vicky snores during the night and Shen has a hard time apologizing after a fight. Another AMWF couple, who also studied together in the US, recently stirred up some buzz on social media for openly disclosing anti-Chinese and Japanese nationalist publications found in a Japanese hotel chain.


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Kat and Sid, as the couple-vloggers call themselves, found 1. In their videos, Kat reacts to popular Chinese TV shows, speaks Putonghua and tries to cook tomato and eggs a popular Chinese dish for Sid. The popularity of this sort of WWAM content on the Web provides a platform for identification and gives Western women who date Asian men newfound confidence. Blogger Lena Elsborg alias Lingling is a very lively example of it.

The Danish national, who resides in Beijing, informs her viewers about the many advantages of dating Chinese men on her popular YouTube channel. According to her, apart from learning more about Chinese culture and language, another benefit of having a Chinese boyfriend is that they will "definitely carry your bag and immediately text you back.

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But it wouldn't be the last time I would find myself up against these ideas. As I continued to date the locals in China and eventually married a fellow from Hangzhou, I would come to realize that most expat women in China agreed with my Zhengzhou colleagues. And sometimes, their dislike was just shocking. A European woman I worked with in famously told me that, while she found all Chinese men completely repulsive, she considered Chinese children so adorable. My husband posing with our nephew. I think they're both adorable. But some of my most fascinating and educative encounters with this idea of "Chinese men as undateable" happened online, when I came face-to-face with these opinions distilled into the cold, black-and-white reality of blog posts and expat forums.

Back in , I discovered a post on a now-defunct blog authored by expats in Shanghai. The post was written by a white American woman based in Shanghai and titled, "So, how's the dating scene?


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In the still, he's locked in an awkward slow-dance embrace with a girl an entire head taller than him, but that's not even the worst of it. While she leans her head on his in perfect contentment, he has his cheek buried in her bosom while staring at it with a prurient curiosity that surely would have snapped the girl out of her reverie. At the time I was only beginning to learn about negative stereotypes of Asian men that American TV, movies and the media had perpetuated over the years: The woman who wrote that post never specifically said any of these things about local men in China, but she didn't have to.

Long Duk Dong took care of that. Then again, her post appears downright classy in comparison to what I've read in the free-for-all world of anonymous expat forums across China. There was a brief time when I tried combing these forums in search of discussions about dating Chinese men, hoping to gain some insights, but I soon gave that up.

Whenever anyone dared to broach the subject, usually someone would quickly pounce on the thread and sully it with some juvenile comment about Chinese men that wasn't all that different from that Long Duk Dong movie still. The worst of these threads generally devolved into a low-brow, expletive-laden conversation more appropriate for a bathroom stall.

Whether in forums or blogs, the negative online discourse about Chinese men is consistent with Psychologist Zhang Jiehai's findings from surveys on "Chinese Men in the Eyes of Western Women" as reported by China's Xinhua News Agency in I provided an English translation on my blog.

This Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences professor surveyed over Western women from diverse countries including France, Germany and the USA via questionnaires, and then interviewed over 20 of them in a focus group in Shanghai. While respondents praised Chinese men for certain qualities -- "looking after one's family," "willing to spend money on women," and "relatively serious about relationships between men and women" -- the admiration ended there.

Negative impressions ultimately dominated as the women criticized Chinese men as "not so gentlemanly," "poor physique, not enough exercise," "no personality, lacking unique opinions," even condemning them on perceived personal hygiene problems. One American participant in the study actually blamed Hollywood for projecting a poor image of Chinese men around the world, and I couldn't help but wonder if she was thinking of Sixteen Candles at the time. Zhang's findings -- that Western women from around the world have consistently pejorative ideas about Chinese men -- remind me this isn't a problem confined to some insular expat circles in China.

It's a troubling problem, one that even gets me and my husband down.